A 21st Century Pastor's Prayer For Revival

 

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We are praying for revival, Lord, but only on OUR conditions
You wouldn't want us to get too bored, so we'll hold to our traditions
An hour a week of fervent prayer is more than enough to suffice
Just as long as there is central air and the amenities are nice.

The programs we get from Williams Creek are made to attract the people
Like the fashion show we held last week underneath our gilded steeple.
All the women in the neighborhood were blessed with the speaker we had
Pastor Nancy Illmakyafeelgood looked nice in her lavender plaid!

Next week we will take our mission trip and do our good deed for the year
When we return, we will show a clip and some testimonies we'll hear.
Sure, there are people in our city who are in need of freedom from sin
But we can't give them here our pity; all the bums will be coming in!

We donate to the city missions who will minister to that kind
That's how WE meet the great commission; we pay those who are so inclined.
We need to attract more "wholesome" souls who will be faithful with their tithe
So we can reach our ministry's goals and pay our staff from nine to five.

We are praying for revival Lord, oh please send down the latter rain
Help your church to be in one accord, but let it be in our domain!
Bring the pastors all down to their knees; let them with praises each extol
Just don't make us share our pulpits please, or to relinquish our control!

We really don't need the Holy Ghost to bring conviction for our sins -
In our staff we have an able host that can expose their origins.
"Repentance" is an archaic word, some tendencies are genetic
Psychology's message is preferred over a Biblical emetic.

Though we emulate the world Lord, We know it really don't matter-
We'll copy those things folks have adored, and we'll allure them with our flatter.
Did I mention we will have an auto show and a concert of Christian thrash?
We've been blessed to see our churches grow, and have a steady stream of cash!

We are equipping every member to be faithful in attendance
From January to December as religious co-dependants.
They pray "that prayer" then they join our church and learn to pay their weekly dues
As they listen from their fav'rite perch to have their apathy excused.

Did I say we need revival, Lord? I don't know what I was thinking!
To change our course, we can not afford - we pastors are interlinking.
We need more programs to bring men in; more attractions to grab their eyes
More counselors who will soothe their sin, and more people that believe their lies!

If we have genuine revival, I fear for the mess it will bring:
Expectation of Your Arrival, and preparation for the King.
We'll have to preach a stricter message of the Holiness You require
And then we'll move to simple dressage, from the fashions we once desired.

Pastor Nancy Illmakyafeelgood will no longer come here to preach
And the women from the neighborhood will go elsewhere to hear her teach.
Our members will not be satisfied with just a token mission trip
Once their calling has been ratified to continual chaplainship!

They'll prob'ly start missing out on church as they minister to the lost
Forsaking their fav'rite Sunday perch in exchange for Your Pentecost.
They'll be guided by the Holy Ghost instead of the counselors we pay
And they'll act like they're some priestly Host as they go minister and pray.

We'll lose our members of "good standing" When they bring the sick and the poor
And the deacons will be demanding that we return where we were before.
This place will look more like a mission than the palace it has become
And I might lose my recognition as a success in Christendom.

Please don't bring us a revival, Lord, we're just fine in the place we are
Just ignore those words I once implored and bring more programs and fancy cars!

 

 

 

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